X, Baby!
Issue 9
So, I called up Nick Fury. Yeah, I have that dude’s private line now. Jealous? He pulled a few strings so the X-Men were waiting for me at the mansion; I’m not one to drop by without calling first. It wasn’t that far off from New York, so I just hopped bus to bus for a couple hours. I have to say, the place was impressive. A huge building in a light wilderness and a small pond just inside the gate … it was the best accommodations I had ever witnessed!
Strangely, the mansion seemed empty upon arrival. Wasn’t this supposed to be a school? I slithered on, tucked to the wall so that if there were enemies they wouldn’t see me. I peeked around the corner to look into the main entrance. No one in sight. Then, I was frightened by a voice from behind.
??: “Hey there.” She was half-way through the floor, but helped herself up as I clung even tighter to the wall.
Me: “You must be ShadowCat.”
Kitty, nodding: “I actually just like to go by Kitty Pryde.”
I stifled a laugh, thinking of the telephone mix-up I caused. Kitty looked to me with an eyebrow raised while I waved it off.
Me: “Well, I like to go by FreeForm!” I stretched out my arms to two sides of the room. “But you can call me Elena.”
I winked and she laughed. Oh yeah, I would’ve liked to hang out with her more. Her smile then disappeared.
Kitty: “I know you were looking forward to joining the X-Men, Elena, but the guys are dealing with a real pest right now. So, maybe if you could come back some other time …”
I barely had enough time to think
What pest? before there was the sound of crashing glass. Who else did I hear but my Canadian Dreamboat, Wolverine, screaming his lungs out?
Wolverine: “God damn it, I said get out, Wilson!”
??: “You guys recruited non-mutants before!”
Wolverine: “No other costumes ever been dat kinda pest! Get outta here!”
I strained my ears to know who was being yelled at by my sweetie-pie, but that question was somewhat answered by a red-and-black clad man with numerous gun holsters around his waist as well as two swords across his back. It was weird because even while his mask was on I could almost make out a smile as he looked to me and sent off a two-finger salute … I think he was hitting on me …
I saw Kitty shudder. She leaned in and whispered to me.
Kitty: “Isn’t he a creep? I swear, Deadpool just won’t give up on the X-Man thing.”
He walked out, I think, but my attention drew once again to Logan. I jumped up to hug him, my legs around his waist and my arms wrapped fifty times around his chest. I squeezed tight, letting out a squeal.
Wolverine: “Bub, let go a me!”
I smiled nervously and released. I thought I felt thumping on the ground, so it was no surprise when Colossus ran in to see my sweetie. The metallic man said … well, ok, these are my diary entries so I feel free to admit I have no idea what the guy says with that thick Russian accent. But basically, he kept Wolverine from shoving his claws into me again by sending him after Deadpool.
I was very curious as to what he was like, so I left to search for him too. I know, I shouldn’t have left the X-Men like that, but Kitty already said for me to come back another time and although I love my honey I know he wouldn’t want me here at any rate, love being a distraction to the job and all that. So I slithered to the top of the house to find a good vantage point to find the guy. It shouldn’t have been too hard, right? So after a few minutes, I found him leaving the back entrance and … doing something that included his sword and lemons …
I stretched my arm out to tap him on the shoulder, but he took my hand, pulled it down, and used it to wipe off his sword!
Deadpool: “You have pretty strong skin. This thing can slice through stone and metal like a cherry-tomato!”
I didn’t want to mention how that ridiculously-sharp, oversized knife of his in fact nearly cut open my steel-like arm.
Me: “Yeah, but … does that thing really need to be lemony fresh?”
He looked confused for a moment, then answered.
Deadpool: “Adding the lemon juice makes it sting more.”
I grimaced at the imagined pain of being sliced open and having the citrus poured inside of me. The man was a sadistic genius.
Deadpool tugged my arm closer so the rest of me would follow. He patted my head, I think as a reward for being his cleaning towel.
Deadpool: “I’m Wade, by the way.”
This guy was weird, and I certainly didn’t want him to get any closer to me.
Me: “Call me FreeForm.” Yup, no first-name basis for him.
I swear I was getting the creepy-smile-under-the-mask feeling again.
Deadpool: “Yeah, I heard about you. Weren’t you ditched at HYDRA?”
Me: “HAIL HYDRA!!”
He did that on purpose. I know he did.
Deadpool chuckled and patted my back with such force that I nearly fell forward.
Deadpool: “Great! You’re just like a pal of mine! Wanna tag along for a mission?”
Me: “Wait, you just met me and now you want to team up with me? Why?”
Deadpool: “Well, part of it is because Bob really needs a new lady friend and part of it is because the writer needs to fit in a guest appearance with each issue.”
Me: “What?”
Deadpool: “Nothing.”
I looked at him like he was a lunatic because, well, he is. But still, more missions meant a more concrete reputation – a step up from being forever known as the “Ex-HYDRA agent”.
Me: “Mr.Wilson, you have yourself a deal! I’m a comin’!”
~*~*~
Before we left for … where ever it was Deadpool was taking me, we climbed up a ladder at the X-Mansion leading up to a certain bedroom. The plan would work perfectly.
As Cyclops stood next to his bed, my arm made its way behind him and yanked off his glasses! The optic beam put a hole in his wall before he could close his eyes. I retracted my arm with the glasses in hand, laughing slightly.
Cyclops: “WHO DID THAT?!?!?” He stumbled blindly across the room to find the offender. “WHO TOOK THEM? I can’t open my eyes!!!”
Chuckles escaped me as Deadpool sat beside me at the windowsill, recording the entire ordeal. Our bonding shall be known throughout the YouTube world!!!
