Topic: Jon's Horror-thon 2010

[Najemikon]

Jon, you seem to have put the wrong plot summary there.
I was surprised to see a review by you for this film. Wasn't you the one arguing the most against this movie a while back (or am I remembering it incorrectly)?

Oops. Now removed, thank you! 

I can't remember the past discussions now, but it probably was me and I do still argue against why it was made. It's probably easier to just say that when I heard it was being made, it made me angry! Certainly had no plans to see it, but last week I received preview tickets. Before that Empire had published a review that didn't sway me, but at least suggested it was a good film. And then Achim did his review and we had a discussion about a couple of the scenes.

It is still a pointless film, but I can't deny how much I enjoyed it. Still, I wouldn't rush to watch it when you have already seen the original.

[Najemikon]

Triangle
4 out of 5



When Jess (Melissa George, 30 Days of Night) sets sail with a group of friends, she cannot shake the feeling that there is something wrong. Then the yacht hits a storm and the group is forced to board a passing ocean liner, a ship Jess is convinced she's been on before. Although it appears deserted, they soon find they are not alone... Someone is intent on hunting them down, one by one. And Jess unknowingly holds the key to end the terror.

Triangle is a decent thriller with a spark of originality far more than you would expect. It’s quite a complicated setup that will have you scratching your head, but it more importantly, it never forgets to entertain and the pace never feels like it’s compensating for a poor structure nor does its time bending premise ever feel over stretched. The only flaw I can think of is that in the conclusion it reveals itself to be a little bit too self-contained, but nevertheless, that works to the films credit.

Christopher Smith wrote and directed Triangle, as he did with Severance and Creep. I’ve only seen Severance and that too was ambitious and confident, but I much prefer the sombre tone of Triangle. It feels more adult and substantial.

Melissa George plays the central tortured role, the only one who comes understand who is stalking them on the deserted boat. She is very good, as are all the cast. This isn’t a character film, but they do give it substance.

Overall it’s a very good haunted house (except it’s a ship!) thriller, with some inventive scenes and imagery and a very creepy atmosphere, so you’ll jump a few times. Then it has an ending you won’t forget easily to round off the package. Not quite ‘The Shining on a boat’, but it doesn’t go for easy scares either. It’s substantial and worth seeing.

[Achim]

I quite enjoyed Triangle myself. It was one of the first films I bought based on the "Kermode seal of approval".

Considering how difficult it is to end this kind of a film, they really did quite well, making it indeed a rounded experience. I really liked the main actress and how she handled the role.

[Najemikon]

I quite enjoyed Triangle myself. It was one of the first films I bought based on the "Kermode seal of approval".

Considering how difficult it is to end this kind of a film, they really did quite well, making it indeed a rounded experience. I really liked the main actress and how she handled the role.

Yes, she was great. Everything seemed to play with well handled caution. They knew they had a good idea and didn't need to blow it.

I've still got a couple more reviews to post so the marathon is sort of continuing... 

[Najemikon]

The Crazies
2 out of 5



I recently reviewed Let Me In and rated it very highly, despite it being a remake. Just to redress the balance, here is the more typical remake churned out by the Hollywood machine. It’s bordering on depressing just how soulless this garbage is.

There’s nothing particularly wrong with the production. It’s got a couple of jumps, a hint of gore, fantastic make-up and a handful of set-pieces that are fun. But it has no point.

I haven’t even seen the original, but this just screams “Money Grabbing Bastards!” from scene one. Let us just reverse engineer it for a moment: why make The Crazies? Well, there are themes about the death of community, plucky small town mentalities and not being able to trust your neighbour, plus ironic satire about how the Government might handle such a disaster, not to mention really cool shit about dealing with people who are properly nuts! All that is clearly in the story and probably went through Romero’s brain when he came up with the concept, but in this version, it’s a jumbled mess, because whoever came up with the idea to remake it didn’t actually give a damn. Neither did the writer and certainly not the director, Breck Eisner, son of Michael Eisner.

Isn’t he the guy that tore the soul out of Disney for a couple of decades? Just saying.

Note to self... balanced reviews... balanced reviews... ok... Timothy Olyphant is very good as the Sherriff and Joe Anderson is a real highlight as his Deputy. There were other people in the film as well. Some of them were better than others. Erm... Ooh! There was a Doctor bloke, with a bone-saw who had been sowing another blokes eyes and mouth up. The film threatened to be ‘Quite Good’ at that point! And then it wasn’t.

Actually that scene demonstrates the problem. There is so much potential in the beloved town doctor going crazy with a bone-saw and sowing peoples orifices up, really disturbing in a brilliant way, but it’s squandered for an action scene and all we actually see of the doc is essentially a zombie. 

For crying out loud, we have zombies! Really, really good ones! In better movies than this! The Crazies aren’t supposed to be like sodding zombies! Plus we never actually met the Doctor before he took up needle-craft. In fact, while I’m at it, I have no idea who the patient actually was. Ever heard of ‘Engaging the Audience’, Eisner? You pillock.

Get out. Get out of my Blu-Ray player, you bloody pointless filth. And sod off back where you came from.

[KinkyCyborg]

Kind of a let down reading this review only because I've been looking forward to watching this one.    Interesting to note that Romero is an executive producer on this remake so obviously there was a certain amount of buy-in and blessing from him on this rendition of the film.

It's really too bad that the skill that goes into the making of the trailers which make the movie look phenomenal as is the case with this movie can't be harnessed and channeled into the making of the entire film. 

KC

[Jimmy]

Don't have any intention of watching this, the original is good enough for me...

BTW
There are no zombies in the original, the people are contaminated,
The infected people act almost normally untill they go insane,
There are no sheriff in this film (where the hell that came from?),
The original is about how the army is clueless (not about the corporation),
The principal characters in the original are 2 fireman and a nurse,
They know about the infection cause because the fire department was called to fight the accident,
One of the principal character in the army is a black man,
The original doesn't have a good ending,
....

So what part of this is in this useless rmake?

[Kathy]

Why do I like re-makes?...Because of the great reviews they inspire in Jon!

[Antares]

Get out. Get out of my Blu-Ray player, you bloody pointless filth. And sod off back where you came from.

  Love it, love it. 

[Najemikon]

Get out. Get out of my Blu-Ray player, you bloody pointless filth. And sod off back where you came from.

  Love it, love it.  

  I do enjoy reviewing bad films. I should do more. But that means watching bad films.  

Don't have any intention of watching this, the original is good enough for me...

BTW
There are no zombies in the original, the people are contaminated,
The infected people act almost normally untill they go insane,
There are no sheriff in this film (where the hell that came from?),
The original is about how the army is clueless (not about the corporation),
The principal characters in the original are 2 fireman and a nurse,
They know about the infection cause because the fire department was called to fight the accident,
One of the principal character in the army is a black man,
The original doesn't have a good ending,
....

So what part of this is in this useless rmake?

Nothing wrong with a Sheriff, Jimmy. Think of a Western. He should be the character who thinks beyond the town and has an ability to organise people who aren't being realistic. Also, think of Slither. A film I love. Only a parody, comedy horror, but a very similar story and the characters are so much better. Bloody hell, put Nathan Fillion in this film, it would 30% better.

Also, I was getting a bit carried away. They are not zombies in the film, they are contaminated. It's just for all the difference it made, they might as well have been zombies. Remember I was annoyed by the cgi creatures in I Am Legend, when the story demanded they be more rounded? Similar thing here.

The ending of this one is... predictable. It tries to be clever and is so obvious instead. But if it was the only version it wouldn't be awful. Again, I haven't seen the original (yet. It's on order.), but I just know it wouldn't end like this.

Kind of a let down reading this review only because I've been looking forward to watching this one.    Interesting to note that Romero is an executive producer on this remake so obviously there was a certain amount of buy-in and blessing from him on this rendition of the film.

It's really too bad that the skill that goes into the making of the trailers which make the movie look phenomenal as is the case with this movie can't be harnessed and channeled into the making of the entire film.  

KC

Truth be told, it is exactly the film shown in the trailers. There are exciting scenes, scary scenes, all well put together. Just put together in a mechanical way. You know the guy in the trailer who pulls the shotgun on the football field? That is very, very early in the film and gives us no time to really understand who these people are. There's nothing really wrong with doing it early, so long as the writing is sharp enough to convey what we need to know. It isn't sharp at all.

Some have compared it with the Dawn of the Dead remake. That turned Romero's classic into action movie junk, but it did have a handful of inspired moments that told you Zack Snyder was thinking, "how can I make this mine?". Nobody cared enough to think that much about this.

Maybe I've lowered your expectations enough and you'll enjoy it if you expect it to be truly terrible. But... well, you're warned.

[Antares]

I do enjoy reviewing bad films. I should do more. But that means watching bad films.  

Then you should watch 2012.

OMG, I just caught this on Showtime and it has to be the epitome of stupid film for stupid people. Never in all my years of watching movies has my intelligence been this assaulted, insulted and shite upon.

[Jimmy]

I do enjoy reviewing bad films. I should do more. But that means watching bad films.  

Do you like reviewing them enough to do it with The Sorority or The Curse of Lizzy Borden

[Najemikon]

I've heard some terrible things about 2012. Mate of mine saw it and spent most of the next day at work, staring into space and bursting into spontaneous laughter as he remembered yet another stupid moment.  

Plenty of people have reviewed it on here already. Dave and Kevin form a small club of sort-of-fans, but my favourite is Eric's.

I do enjoy reviewing bad films. I should do more. But that means watching bad films. 

Do you like reviewing them enough to do it with The Sorority or The Curse of Lizzy Borden

Hell no. It has to be something that looks ok to begin with. Although I did let you all talk me into Alien: Resurrection and I'd already seen it. You somehow persuaded me it was alright to give it another chance.   

[Jimmy]

Some of the Eric's reviews were funny, short but right to the point

You are not adventurous Jon... Common I have blind buying Peeping Tom because of you and you can't do the same because of me and Pete

We never know maybe it would become one of the best film you have ever seen

[Najemikon]

Some of the Eric's reviews were funny, short but right to the point

You are not adventurous Jon... Common I have blind buying Peeping Tom because of you and you can't do the same because of me and Pete

We never know maybe it would become one of the best film you have ever seen

Blind buy? You two have teased each other so much, I feel like I have seen them!