Topic: King of Idiots

[RossRoy]

This has got to be the idiotest of idiotic calls to an emergency line (if it's true):

A caller called the 999 emergency line in South Wales to report a mysterious bright stationary object in the sky. And when the police checked it out, they found that it was … the moon!

    Control Room: "South Wales Police, what’s your emergency?"

    Caller: "It’s not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there’s a bright stationary object."

    Control room: "Right."

    Caller: "If you’ve got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It’s been there at least half an hour and it’s still there."

    Control: "It’s been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"

    Caller: "It’s in the air."

    Control: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."

    Caller: "OK."

    The mystery was soon solved, as the exchange between control and an officer at the scene, makes clear.

    Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"

    Officer: "Yes, it’s the moon. Over."

via Neatorama, via the BBC*

Hmmm.. I didn't realise the original was from the BBC.. gives it an air of authenticity..

[Najemikon]

They're even more authentic than you may think. The police quite regularly release these stories to demonstrate the rubbish they have to deal with.

Even more!

[RossRoy]

Wow! I never realise how dumb "Man" is. 

Guess some people should have their "emergencies" recentered. 

[mpengle]

LOL! It is like reading the Darwin awards...

[Kathy]

It reminds me of the time I hooked up my new stereo system. I moved all the furniture, book cases etc. I reran the speaker wires and replaced everything. I sat down to listen to some tunes and...nothing! I moved everything again to check but couldn't find the problem Finally, after a lot of swearing, I called an electrician friend over to have a look. After a minute or two I hear "It helps to plug it in Kathy"

[Najemikon]

 

Kathy, that is funny, but these 999 calls demonstrate a core stupidity that can only be at a genetic level!

[Achim]

Yes, Kathy's story is more in the line of "DAU"s. This is a German term, which I don't know if/how it translates to English: "Dümmster anzunehmender User", approximated to "most stupid assumable user".

There is entire website didicated to people doing stupid things with their hardware, one of them being not to plug them in.

[DJ Doena]

Yes, Kathy's story is more in the line of "DAU"s. This is a German term, which I don't know if/how it translates to English: "Dümmster anzunehmender User", approximated to "most stupid assumable user".

There is entire website didicated to people doing stupid things with their hardware, one of them being not to plug them in.

On a side note: The term DAU is derived from the german GAU: "Größter anzunehmender Unfall" ("largest assumable accident"), which refers to accidents like Chernobyl.

[Najemikon]

I'm subscribed to the Dilbert newsletter and he asks for stories about "in-duh-viduals". Always some gems there:

INDUHVIDUAL QUOTES
===================

Thanks to the observant readers of the Dilbert Newsletter, here are more True Quotes from the people who put the duh in Induhvidual:

"There's more than one way to peel a cat."

"That woman uses olive oil like it grows on trees."

"He'd give you the arm off his back."

"You play ball with me and I'll scratch yours."

"We do not have a smoking cow at this point."

"It's our golden goose. We better figure out how to make her purr."

"You are in the top one hundred percent."

"She has four kids, and she's pregnant with her third."

"He'd still be alive today if he hadn't died.”

"How many quarters can you cut an apple into?"

"The gunman was believed to be armed."

"Why don't they just put the water back in the lake when it's been through the generator?"

"I'm up to my earballs in work."

"It's a dog eat dog world, and by golly, we better make sure we're the dog."

"I'm up to my ass in elbows and alligators."

"Is your nephew a boy or a girl?"

"Put yourself in my pants."

"I just got bit by a bee! Those damn bees have the sharpest teeth I have ever seen!"

“Do you think this store has any of that fellatio bread?" "This week, if not sooner."

"People are dying like pancakes around here."

[lyonsden5]

Funny thread. 

Some of what Jon posted reminded me of something I used to deal with.

I have three boys. Twins and another son just a year younger. The twins were a bit small for the 1st couple of years. My youngest was a bit big. They all looked very much alike but you could definately tell there were a set of twins.

I can't tell you how many times people would come up to us and ask: "How many of those are twins"  I would usually just say "All three" and walk away leaving them scratching their heads. 

[MEJHarrison]

My 11 year old had a stupid moment a couple weeks back.  He had been in trouble and my wife did her usual things of disconnecting all his TV wiring (which usually gets her in trouble since guess who gets to put it all back  ).  Anyway, he hooked up the TV, satellite box and DVD player and still couldn't get anything to work.  So he came to get my help of course and my wife tried to intercede on my behalf.

Wife: Do you plug everything back in?
Son: Yes
Wife: Are you sure?  Where did you plug it in?
Son: Yes, I plugged every thing.  I'm not stupid.
Wife: And did you plug the power strip back into the wall?
Son: Yes, I plugged it in.
Wife: In the wall?
Son: No.
Wife: Well where did you plug it in.
Son: In the power strip.
Wife: Why would you plug the power strip into itself.
Son: Duh!  It's a power strip.

[Touti]

We in Quebec aren't at rest in the "KOI" contest.  The laws here stipulate that if you call for am ambulance they have to take you.  No matter what you're doing or what you look like when they show up, they cannot refuse to take you even if you're obviously not hill or in distress.

Some idiots here (mostly old folks) use that at their advantage and call an ambulance to be taken to the hospital which is near a mall.  Once at the hospital they wait for the ambulance to leave and then they walk to the mall to do their shopping.

An ambulance driver once said he showed up at a house where they called for respiratory distress and the "patient" was actually comfortably sitting on his front porch smoking a cigarette.

[Najemikon]

We also have problems with thugs ringing for an emergency vehicle, but leading it into an ambush and then pelting it and the crew with bricks. I remember a story about a fire engine lead into a cul-de-sac and getting set upon. Sick. You'd hope it was a one-off, but it's so common they were talking about laws to allow crews reasonable force to enable escape.

Bringing the thread back to funny mode...

INDUHVIDUAL QUOTES
==================

Thanks to the observant readers of the Dilbert Newsletter, here are more True Quotes from the people who put the duh in Induhvidual:

"Do you think I've been sitting here twiddling my arse?"

"At no time do I ever condone you making changes to improve things in the office."

"Snakes on a Plane - what's that about?"

"Go jump off a lake."

"He's not the sharpest canister in the ocean."
 
"Keep a stiff upper chin."
 
"The squeaky wheel gets the spoke."

"I can lead you to horsewater, but I can't make you drink."

"He'd give you the arm off his back."

Announcement in store: "We have a customer by the balls in toys needing assistance." (It repeats.)

"You play ball with me, and I'll scratch yours."

"It's half of one, six dozen of another..."

"We do not have a smoking cow at this point."

"Is there 264 days in the year? Or is it 265?"

"My daughter is as smart as a tack."

"I've got a higher IQ than your little pinky finger."

"If Dad were here right now, he'd be rolling over in his grave."

"Well, it may be the wrong tool for the job, but it is the right tool for the business."

[Kathy]

My 11 year old had a stupid moment a couple weeks back.  He had been in trouble and my wife did her usual things of disconnecting all his TV wiring (which usually gets her in trouble since guess who gets to put it all back  ).  Anyway, he hooked up the TV, satellite box and DVD player and still couldn't get anything to work.  So he came to get my help of course and my wife tried to intercede on my behalf.

Wife: Do you plug everything back in?
Son: Yes
Wife: Are you sure?  Where did you plug it in?
Son: Yes, I plugged every thing.  I'm not stupid.
Wife: And did you plug the power strip back into the wall?
Son: Yes, I plugged it in.
Wife: In the wall?
Son: No.
Wife: Well where did you plug it in.
Son: In the power strip.
Wife: Why would you plug the power strip into itself.
Son: Duh!  It's a power strip.

[RossRoy]

Wife: And did you plug the power strip back into the wall?
Son: Yes, I plugged it in.
Wife: In the wall?
Son: No.
Wife: Well where did you plug it in.
Son: In the power strip.
Wife: Why would you plug the power strip into itself.
Son: Duh!  It's a power strip.

I heard something along those lines giving phone support to an adult, who was wondering why his new Dell wouldn't start up!

Took every last ounce of willpower I had in me to not laugh out loud on the phone.